3:43 AM

Okay..I guess I don't know where exactly I'm supposed to begin. Never really been one for these blogging websites if you know what I mean, they work for some people but I guess not all right? I was watching a movie tonight, so I guess that's where i got the inspiration to try out one of these blogging sites. I have no idea if people actually read this stuff but who really cares? So some people just need to write out their thoughts and feelings right? but whose really to judge them for doing so.


Most of the time I just tend to ramble when it comes to things like this. You never know if you've said too much, too little or if people are going to be sitting there reading with this 'what the hell' look on their faces. I can't help but chuckle or smile when I think about someone doing that, because many people do happen to make faces like that throughout life because they don't understand why life is the way it is.


I guess that's kinda why I decided to start blogging. There's just so much on my mind and in my heart that I need to get out. Do you ever have those days, where you feel totally suffocated by those around you? or those days where it feels like life is totally draining everything you have? I think that the more things you go through, the more you start having days or feelings like that. I'm sure that they're perfectly normal, but what is normal? and whose to say what really is normal and what isn't anymore? Lifes so frusterating at times and half the time we never know why things are the way they are or just why life just is.



I'm finding this days, more and more that I'm getting lost in the ways of the world, lost in the people and most of all lost in myself. The last few months especially, I've noticed it more and more because lifes changed so much. My parents recently split up, okay so it's been like 4 months but man, it feels like forever. The struggles I'm going through, I honestly never thought I'd ever have to face them. You hear about so many parents splitting up or couples devorcing, and the one thought that tends to go through your mind is, 'not mine.' Well whether we want to accept it or not, when it happens, it happens and man it hurts like hell. Half the time you spend your days wondering what the hell happened? or where did it all go so wrong? No one really wants to see their parents split up but when your turn comes are you the one whose left out in the dark, wondering what happened? and blaming yourself for the fall? Or are you the one who knows exactly what's going on and is blaming one parent or the other, mostly yourself for the breakup? I'm starting to see that no matter how much it hurts, the last person you should blame is yourself, as much as it kills you inside, it's far from your fault. Whatever happened between them is their fault, their burden not yours. Sure it kills, and yes, you're heart breaks and you feel like life will never ever be the same again or that you're never going to be okay. Truth is, yes, it's gonna hurt, yes your heart is broken but that doesn't mean that you'll never be happy again. Life takes time, love takes time, death takes time and most iportantly, divorce, seperation or whatever you wanna call it, it takes time too. Nothing in life is ever easy and whoever said it was, is a liar. Without pain, struggle, heartache, anger, where would happiness fit in? Or would you ever really be living int he first place? You need to go through all of it to be able to face it, or try too anyway. It's hard but time does heal wounds but the scar wll always be there to remind us. But it's up to us to gaze at the scar and realize where we are now, or break it open again. The choice of course, is up to us. So will you be the one to break open the scar again? or will you be the one who says 'Hey, this is where I was but here's where I am now'? You can choose to dwell over the past for the rest of your life and forget to live your life, or you can choose to put it behind you and life your life to the fullest.